The Timing is Never Right

Goodbye mountains - window seat views while leaving Devonport, Tasmania

As I sit here writing this, the humidity weighs down on my skin like a warm, cozy blanket. This sounds great on paper, except it is actually 26 degrees out and I find myself sweating profusely despite being at resting heart rate and laying on a lounge chair. Ah yes, it has started to sink in. I am back in tropical Queensland.

Much has changed for me only in the few weeks since the last post.

A work related advancement opportunity arose for me that had a short yes-or-no window. This was something I had been mentally prepping for since the second half of last year, so I was able to jump on it as soon as it appeared. However, there was the unexpected clause of having a maximum of 2 weeks for complete relocation back to Gladstone, Queensland.

I would think that the whole process of packing up, moving around and living from a suitcase would be something that gets easier over time, but these 2 weeks were as disruptive as if I were going through it for the first time back in 2018. I will give myself some credit by saying that I believe that I have become better and perhaps more efficient at packing and moving, so the logistics may be getting 'easier' over time.

What remains difficult however is the process of detaching from the social connections that were built over the time I had in Tasmania. People appear to be infinitely more complicated to deal with than things, and that includes 'Level Zero' of dealing with myself, let alone other people.

The two weeks flew by so quickly with a flurry of activity day in and day out, so much so that my normal routines were disrupted and my mind was hard set in a reactive state right up until I was on the plane departing Devonport airport and the tyres lifted off the tarmac.

Being with nature never fails to remind me of how insignificant, how miniscule, human problems are

During that extended period of chaos with all the planning, worrying and packing, it was easy for me to ask: "Why is all of this happening to me?"

But in reflection, perhaps a better question would be to ask: "Why did I do this to myself?"

In the heat of the moment, it was easier for me to point the finger at others (in this case, putting the weight of responsibility on Work for making the relocation happen) but in reality, I was actually given a choice. And it was I who decided to say 'Yes' to the opportunity that arose, and all the downstream chaos that came from that.

As the plane flew further and further away from Tasmania, I also found myself more and more able to distance myself and detach from all that was happening on the ground. To then see the Big Picture from a new perspective.

I could now see that the advancement opportunity with work was something I had been genuinely hoping and striving for over many months through 2019, and as a direct result of this, I was mentally prepared to grab the opportunity when it had finally materialised and to say 'Yes' within a short timeframe.

Despite all that preparation though, I was still caught off guard by the sudden change in life direction and found it to be as disruptive to my day-to-day living as ever before. If I had been more wise, I would have also processed through the fact that chaos, disruption and sacrifice was part and parcel of saying 'Yes' to what I had wanted.

This experience has helped reveal to me some other questions relating to other areas in my life.

Are there other aspects of life that are causing me grief today which I have written off as the fault of 'others', when in actuality it was I who stood at the crossroads?

I also learnt that mental preparation for 'What I Want' was all well and good, and in fact a huge benefit to helping me make progress, but it was evident through this experience that there were blindspots I was completely ignorant of at the time.

In the heat of the moment, I was obsessed with getting so close to 'What I Want' that I chose to gloss over the potential downsides that were explicitly encoded in the Terms and Conditions of the opportunity. This has taught me to try to be more conscious and aware in choosing what it is that I want to achieve. This is important because it might very well happen, and it would be a terrible shame if 'What I Want' actually ends up misaligned with 'What I Really Want' or 'What I Really Need'.

I will now bring us back to present day me, the same me who is being drenched in sweat and eaten alive by mosquitoes.

I sit here buzzing with energy, hope and curiosity for the weeks to come at work. I now know for sure that this was the right move to make and I am grateful I had enough spirit to jump at opportunity when it revealed itself.

At the same time though, I remain cautious knowing that there is a mountain to climb ahead of me. While the storm clouds might be away today and the skies blue, they might very well appear and bring the thunder tomorrow, so I better be prepared for when they do manifest.

“A wise prince should follow similar methods and never remain idle in peaceful times, but industriously make good use of them, so that when fortune changes she may find him prepared to resist her blows, and to prevail in adversity” - Machiavelli